We’d only been married a few years when I lost my wedding ring. It was a specially ordered engraved ring. It took months for my (then) fiance to find one I would like and to have it made.
In the several years since I lost the ring it has been replaced with a cheap ring with ‘spend my whole life with you’ written on it. The words faded off but I still wear it.
Several months ago I found a gold wedding band online. It was cheap. In a moment of impulse that I don’t want to remember I bought the gold wedding band. I told my husband ‘I bought my replacement ring!!!’. He wasn’t excited. He didn’t say anything but I could see the hurt on his face.
The wedding band ended up in the car with my ‘need for work’ pile of jewelry and I forgot about it. Until a few weeks ago. I had been talking to my husband about getting a thumb ring for a few weeks and emailing him ideas when I came across the gold wedding band still in the car. I tried it on. It fit my thumb.
In the past few months I’ve had people give me small metal objects for specific lenghts of time. God spoke through them to say things like ‘give up the crap in your life!!’ and ‘stop resisting and accept the love being offered’. These little reminders pissed me off to no end. I’ve hated each in turn and accounced my hatred for them to the people close to me (and to the people who loaned them to me).
And yet I’ve replaced each with something that reminds me of the lesson they have taught me.
I’ve tried for years to wear a thumb ring but they were all to big, loose or tight. The gold wedding band fit perfectly. It’s stayed on for several weeks now. It speaks it’s own message to me.
It reminds me that I’m the girl who bought her own wedding ring. That on my own I really fuck things up. That I need help and I can’t do this journey on my own and there are people surrounding me that I can ask for help.
My replacement wedding band? I told my husband that, instead of me taking care of me to the point of buying my own wedding band, I would like him to replace it. With the engraving that was on my original wedding ring.