Yesterday, on my way back from lunch (my Tuesday women’s group) I tried to take a corner to fast and hit a telephone pole.
I’m okay. Just sore from hitting the steering wheel and my neck hurts but nothing my chiropractor can’t help with.
The car is totaled. But I walked away telling the policeman that I’ll take it. My first accident at 30 years old, single car, no injuries.
That is the back story for this: shame. If i had…. If…. You could have…
The hours after the little single car accident were filled with miscommunication and confusion. I’m good when it comes to pressure and I stood there and laughed at the cold and sleet and men standing on the sidewalk staring at me (I stared back. They left).
But my own lies of ‘you could have….’, ‘if you had…’, and many more yell to be given attention. I want to think about going back and fixing and the ‘what ifs’.
Throughout the afternoon as I was making decisions and holding myself together the little voice in my heart was saying ‘I have this.’
The cost of letting go of the shame is completely surrendering to the God who whispers lovingly to me ‘I have you daughter. Trust this is me.’