Past vs. Story

If you go back to the beginning of this blog (in April of 2013) I wrote about  my childhood and my families involvement with ATI and IBLP. The man who started and is still the president of those organizations is Bill Gothard. 
 
Recently there have been several articles calling attention to the abuse in these organizations and calling for Gothard’s resignation. 
 
I’ve stayed out of conversations about these articles for several reasons.
Bringing Gothard down as president of these organizations may be becoming a reality. But the truth for me is that he doesn’t control my life anymore. The only reason I want him to resign is for the innocent people involved now. But my past does NOT define my life now (my story will always be there but it doesn’t control me). I won’t be jumping up and down if he ends up being found legally guilty.
 
There will always be crazy religious programs and sources out there and there will always be people who are hurting and looking for answers in those programs/religions.
Gothard did not personally hurt me. My parents chose to be part of that program and accept everything he said. I could blame my parents but that is just still letting my parents have power in my life now. I am now an adult making my own choices and decisions and I choose not to let Bill Gothard, my parents or my past have power over me. 
 
While my past doesn’t define my life my story will always be with me. My story sneaks up and puts itself into everyday situations where I have to stop and go ‘hey! I’m not mad at you. You just remind me of my past!’ It’s a chance to recognize the truth about myself. I’m a broken person who is completely whole. In those moments I can sink into my past, feel what I was never allowed to feel, process it (talk to people who can speak truth into the situation), the whole time knowing I am not alone in this. I am loved. My story is for me to walk through now but my past cannot hurt me. My job now is to go back to my story (to my little girl inside me) and heal her.
 
Image
 
An IBLP seminar from the 1970’s/1980’s. 
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About Michelle

I'm Michelle. I'm an extrovert city girl who grew up in the beautiful farm country of the East Coast and moved to Houston Texas 6 years ago. Stepping out, being known and letting myself be seen are some of the scariest and most frightening things I’ve done and that's what my blog is about. View all posts by Michelle

4 responses to “Past vs. Story

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