Over the last few years I’ve found there are ‘normal’ things that are hard for me to do. I realize I’m not special in this. My things may be different then other peoples and they are things I think should come easily. One of those is asking for what I want and need. I get scared and when I sink deep into that fear and let myself fully feel it I realize those fears are not real and I can dive into them knowing that my story is once again trying to protect me.
April 17, 2014
My story says that I can’t ask because if anyone knows what I really want it will be taken from me. It’s showing my hand/cards and will be used to punish me. My story also says that I’m not worth getting what I want. I cannot ask because I need to work for what I have. Gifts do not come without strings and if I accept your gift you could pull those strings at anytime and I will be hurt – my heart will be hurt.
To let myself ask is to let down the self protective wall I have built around me from the many experiences of being hurt. And to let myself receive (even if that’s receiving a no) is to let you speak truth into my story. The truth that I AM worth loving.