Fear. So much fear. It lies to me. Fear is a liar. It tells me I’m alone when I’m in a room of people who truly love me. It tells me I’m ugly when I’m God’s perfect Creation. It tells me there is no way i could ever earn love when I don’t have to earn anything.
Fear reminds me that staying hidden and quiet and alone is safe. And safe is fears biggest lie to me.
But to pretend i can hide (out of fear) is to live in fear. If people knew i live in fear they wouldn’t like me, i wouldn’t ‘measure up’. Hiding is safer. Safe…
I want to feel safe. Many times i would rather feel safe then loved. I seek the lie of safety rather then the truth of love.
The truth is… All i have to do is receive. Receive Love, Grace, my gifts, Peace… The problem is i can’t hold on to the lie that i have to earn love AND receive His love at the same time.
And the journey to let go of my self (earning, deserving, getting, feeling safe) goes on.