Tears

I cry a lot now days.

Tuesday I walked out of a building and started crying as I walked to my car. I had just voted. Something in me realized that people die trying to do what I just did. If I had lived 100 years ago I wouldn’t have been able to vote because I’m a woman.

I walked out of an appointment on Thursday and something broke inside me. I clutched my purse to my chest, unlocked my car and let the tears slide down my face. After chitchatting with the person I was seeing they had unexpectedly given me a discount.

This morning an email with photographs made me cry again. Lee Jeffries takes photos of the homeless. And each face has a story.

If I watch the short “Love Store of Carl & Ellie” I will sob. So much beauty and love in 4 minutes.

There is a video by CNN called “Sharyl Sandberg Shares her Grief”. When I saw it last weekend I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and sob.

By the way, in Japan there are events called Tear Seeking (The Atlantic wrote an article about it in May 2015) where people go to events and watch movies/videos designed to make them cry.

5 years ago I wouldn’t have cried at any of these things. I didn’t have tears for it and couldn’t let myself be seen being ‘weak’.

Now though I won’t wipe my tears away. I don’t mind how much I feel. In fact sometimes I laugh as I cry because something in me wants to yell and announce ‘I HAVE MY FEELINGS BACK!!!’

I’m happy that I can be sad. That I can be lonely. That I don’t have to be okay all the time. I am so grateful for the people in my life who have walked with me as I’ve learned to feel again.

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About Michelle

I'm Michelle. I'm an extrovert city girl who grew up in the beautiful farm country of the East Coast and moved to Houston Texas 6 years ago. Stepping out, being known and letting myself be seen are some of the scariest and most frightening things I’ve done and that's what my blog is about. View all posts by Michelle

2 responses to “Tears

  • Jonathan Steele

    Thank you for sharing it.

    Enviado desde mi iPhone

    > El 6 nov 2015, a las 16:16, fallingintofreedom escribió: > > >

  • Anodos Faer

    I lost my ability shed tears in my teens. I managed to cry actual tears one time in my early 20s, but otherwise haven’t shed a single tear since. I don’t know what happened – it’s not like I’m trying to be tough or am embarrassed. Even when I’m terribly sad or hurt – no tears.
    I must admit, my emotions have been very muted since my teen years – and I know that it was a survival mechanism. I just don’t know how to get my full range of emotions back now.
    I want them back. This gives me hope I’ll find them again somehow.

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